Past Imperfect

Two stories are going on at once in this episode. On the one hand, we have the attack on this po-dunk town by somebody from Xena's past. On the other, we have Xena jumping at every shadow looking for the boogeyman who's going to try to crucify her and Gab. The woman's a nervous wreck.

Xena's finally wised up and told Gab about the vision. (Don't try to hide things from the bard, especially when it's waking you up pre-dawn.) Did Xena tell Gab that she's on a cross, too? Xena seems to be solely concerned with keeping Gabrielle out of harm's way, but what about her own crucifixion? And has she mentioned "By the way, Gabrielle, if I see you with a pair of scissors I'm going to hog-tie you like I did when you had the fungus"?

Gab summarizes the problem of what to do about the vision nicely: "You can't ignore it. You can't rely on it." Gab refuses to live in fear and wants to act as if it doesn't exist - which has been her response to a number of problems in the past. But thank goodness, that's kicking Xena in the rear a bit. The Warrior Princess needs to refuse to believe it, too - and start plot to foil it when it shows up. But I don't think it would be unreasonable of Gab to agree to a restraining order keeping both of them at least 200 miles clear of that funky mountain.

Watch Borias's hand during the first flashback. This must have been a fun day on the set:

"Cut! OK, that was great, but Marton, on this take, I want you to do something."
"Sure, what do you need?"
"Grab her chest."
"Pardon?"
"Grope her. Big time. Get to second base and stay there."
"... I'm still getting paid for this, right?"
"We're rolling!"

Thank goodness the writers made Xena smart enough to figure out who the baddie from the past was; I had it within ten seconds. "Dead guy... dead guy... hold on, who's THAT?" Ding ding ding! We have our villain!

Small side note: this is the first time we've seen Xena with a slave. Once again, if you gotta know evil to fight evil, Xena's ready to fight a whoooole lotta evil.

Interesting argument that Xena and Gabrielle have when Xena suggests that the hospital could use Gab's help. Gab doesn't argue that; instead, she protests that the hospital is too safe. Is Gabrielle now bound and determined to crash and bash alongside the warrior, or is this sheer stubbornness in the face of Xena's overcaution?

Xena requests some engineers and "the fastest horse you can find" to head for the river. Umm, Xena, your horse's name is Argo. You left her in the town square when the greek fire started coming down.

Nice message Warlord Xena sends to the town by floating their scouting party back to them - she's SO good when she's bad.

HOW were those ambush guys hiding in the river? There was no signs of reeds, pigs' bladders, or scuba gear. Had they grown gills?

During the fight at the river, watch the hand shoot up when Xena bug-pins the downed enemy. Ew.

She of the tight little leather outfits switches to furs three feet thick and nobody in the army knows she's pregnant? Note to Warlord Xena: get a smarter army. During that scene with the captured centaurs, Xena was waddling like a penguin. MAJOR kahoneys points, though, for directing a battle while in early labor. Made me squirm just watching it.

This episode rewrote some of what has gone before. Most importantly:

• In Orphan of War, Xena said she gave the order to capture Borias unharmed. No such order here: she told everyone to saddle up for war and break out the crosses. (But Dagnine's boast that he killed Borias with his own sword through his back remains intact.)

• In Hooves and Harlots, we hear that Xena and Tyldus fought to a standstill at Corinth. Here, the battle seems to be wrapping up and the armies are scattering, but Tyldus hasn't even shown up. Check out the next point, though:

• The scene from Orphan when Xena handed over Solan was redone. (I kind of liked the just-shy-of-crumbling stoicism Xena had in Orphan better than the emotional shell-shock of this version.) The big difference: Xena doesn't offer to withdraw the army. Maybe Tyldus and Xena will meet in a later episode. Xena also says "please" this time - we never saw Xena say please in the first couple of seasons. However, one piece of dialogue remains the same, and turns out to from Borias's mouth: the reasons to give Solan up. "He'll become a target for those who hate me (your enemies), he'll learn (see) things a child should not know (see)... and he'll become like me."

• One other small nit: the sword of Borias is a long curved blade, not the standard straight sword we see in Orphan.

Kaleipus spent the whole fight in the camp trying to stomp on Dagnine. We see it about five times. Kick the twerp already and do something useful, Kaleipus!

A line of crucified bodies from Corinth to the Caspian Sea is a fantastic image, but how on earth did Xena plan to crucify centaurs?

If Satrina was mirroring Xena's tactics, was she going to crucify the town's defenders? And since she failed, does this mean Alti's vision is null and void? (And if so, why were the Romans involved in the vision? I think what Xena should really be on the lookout for is Romans. At the first sight of those guys, go ballistic.)

What a scene for Solan's entrance: Xena's screams mixed with Borias's, and Borias's death mixed with Solan's birth. Now THAT'S a warrior's last battle.

Listen to the first guy Gabrielle fights in the tunnel: Gab battles Homer Simpson!

"Ha ha!"
< Staff in the face - BONK! >
"D'OH!"

Chalk up another campfire scene for the history books. Gabrielle's tender comforting of Xena gave enough warm fuzzies to last a week.

Satrina might be back. But I'm more worried about when Gabrielle is going to cut her hair.

Return to the Wool-Gatherings.

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