Motherhood

Ten little gods, all in a line.
One read some spoilers, and then there were nine.

Nine little gods, all fighting fate.
One cheesed off Xena, and then there were eight.

Three little gods, most going boo-hoo.
One ignored the warnings, and then there were two.

Wow, what a bonfire of the deities this episode was! But when the smoke clears, it's not a total wipeout. Aphrodite stands intact (fitting that the Goddess of Love survives for the dawn of Eli's cult of love), and Ares is mortal but alive. Which means that Ares was right all along - there is no Twilight of the Gods. There is only a self-fulfilling prophecy and the wrath of a cheesed-off Xena. The two gods who place their chips on Xena and Gabrielle (one god per customer) come through intact. Once again everyone, even the gods, make their own fate.

I think the wardrobe department took a bet in the opening scenes that they could make Xena and Gabrielle look good even in burlap. Actually, I think that's a mummy-wrap muslin - but whatever it is, it makes a darned cool cloak.

This episode boasts a plethora of unknown gods who are never named in the episode but fall under Xena's winnowing shears:

• Hephaestus was a different actor, but I figured him out based on that axe and chain from three episodes ago. The XenaStaff expect us to - gasp - know a little Greek mythology (or watch Hercules) when Aphrodite clutches her heart and wears black for the rest of the episode after Hephaestus is killed.
• Speaking of watching Hercules, what's up with Strife's actor back as an older guy? Did Strife come back aged, or was that supposed to be a different god? Whichever he was, he won't be missed.
• The chick with the arrows must, at long last, be Artemis. Artemis, you unbelievable wench! You leave Xena and Gabrielle to take care of blaspheming Velasca, you let your Amazons' queen hang on a cross and meet a host of other nasty fates, and the first time you show your face is to shoot arrows at your best gals? Good riddance!

Aphrodite finally proves that she really is Gabrielle's buddy. Aphrodite's care for the bard was the most heart- warming part of the episode. Despite the world crumbling around her, Aphrodite focuses on protecting Gabrielle. Awwww, what a pal.

Eve's still able to catch the chakram... but she doesn't use it to save herself. She really is at the point that Xena was at the beginning of the series - eager to die for her crimes. Except that Xena never squealed and cried when a fire broke out.

NIFTY move when Xena cleared a horse for Gabrielle while on her way to hopping on Argo.

One religious debate of the ages solved: John the Baptist was a sprinkler, not an immerser. Next: Catholicism versus Protestantism.

Xena gets told she can kill gods, and her only response is a quiet "If that's the way it must be, then I'm ready"? After all the gods have done to them and knowing that they'll be coming after Eve again? BULL puckey! Xena should be rolling up her sleeves with glee and shouting "Let me at 'em!" That little blow she gives her chakram later is much more like I would have expected.

Discord gets a particularly gruesome, headless end. Suitable for the annoying bondage kid-goddess.

Xena says she's been given this power to usher in the God of Love because she is the "mother of the messenger." What message is Eve supposed to deliver?

"Never cruel to man, woman, child, or beast" is a fitting eulogy for Joxer. But "bringing joy to everyone"? Virgil might be a guilty of a little blind pride in his da, there.

The "that comes with the territory" line after Virgil stomps all over Eve's attempt to apologize is excellent. I'm glad they didn't make the scene into a simplified lovefest - the cruel reality of never really doing enough to make up for a death is much better.

Virgil's a good guy, but he better watch those clucking noises he makes at his horse. It looked for all the world like he was blowing kisses at Gabrielle.

We get two surprise reappearances in Gabrielle's final temptation. Even in death Joxer is a bumbling slapstick joke. But Hope cuts to the quick, even in a bad wig. How incredibly fitting that Gabrielle's slain daughter convinces Gab to kill Eve.

Here's an interesting thought: despite her intentions, Xena doesn't redeem Eve. Eve is redeemed through miraculous intervention. But maybe Xena CAN be credited with redeeming Ares. By not killing him, by showing mercy where there was none and letting Ares act on love, Ares just may have seen the light.

NEAT effect when Xena, and later Xena and Gab and Eve, are in the pouring rain getting soaked, but not a drop hits Ares or Aphrodite.

Xena has beat up on Gabrielle before. She clocked babyGab a good one back in the first season (Reckoning) in the middle of a crazed battle fever. In the third season (Bitter Suite - odd seasons just aren't good for the Gabster), a grief- stricken and Ares-crazed Xena dragged Gabrielle across half the Grecian countryside. I understood those two. I'm having problems with this one. Gabrielle had already struck Eve with her sai, so this was not a matter of defense. We've already seen the chakram magically turn blunt dozens of times when needed - this did not have to be a killing blow. Xena was not in the midst of battle or rage. Her best defense is maternal protectiveness: Gabrielle hadn't expressed any of the doubts that the Furies had been whispering to her. Xena only saw Gab strike a mortal blow from behind to her defenseless daughter. But it's still an ugly, ugly moment. Xena sees the Furies leave (would have left Gabrielle to die otherwise?), and reparations go on for the rest of the episode. Xena tries her damnedest to save both Gab and Eve, and the episode closes with the line about "our daughter." But even that is missing something, like "And by the way, SORRY ABOUT BRAINING YOU."

That said, that scene DID leave my jaw on the floor. I'll give it this much - it had the power of shock and surprise. I couldn't believe that Gabrielle struck such a vicious blow, or that Xena was standing there with Gabrielle's brain matter on her chakram. I'm not sure I like either of those things, but it definitely didn't bore me.

We haven't seen Xena use her fire-breathing trick in a long time. (Pesky safety concerns!) They do a better job of faking it here than they did in Dirty Half Dozen. Good desperation moment from Xena as the battle gets tight. And in the end, Hades ends up with the nastiest death of all the gods.

Aphrodite comes through for Gabrielle, and Xena credits her with some trust. Xena even trusts her with Eve during the tavern battle, but that pushes it too far. If "You started all this, you worm" looks could kill, Eve's whimpering days would be over. And Aphrodite doesn't lift a finger when Ares comes calling on Eve.

Xena's leather armor finally comes in handy! But that arrow she pulls from her gut sure looked like it struck Xena's leg.

Check out the way Xena drags Gabrielle around. As if the bard didn't have enough problems with her cranium springing leaks and being sidelined for half the episode, now she has a dislocated shoulder, too.

Xena refuses to talk about any connection between her daughter and Gabrielle's. She doesn't even seem to acknowledge Gab's kid ever existed. After all they've been through, I wouldn't be surprised it Xena and Gabrielle's brains automatically filtered the word "hope" out of their vocabularies. But calling Eve "my greatest Hope" is just SICK. That line pissed me off.

The one good laugh in this episode comes when Ares taunts Xena right into pulling the trigger. "You shot me! I'm the god of war! Nobody shoots the god of war!" Hee hee hee!

It's a real shame Athena had to croak. She really was awesome. Her battle scenes were great, loved her head shake at Ares when he showed up in Xena's chains, fantastic gloat when Xena doesn't kill her and shock when she does. A moment of silence for a god who just plain rocked.

The episode pulls a MAJOR mid-stream plot device to resolve itself. Gods can give up their immortality to resurrect two lives? When did this get established? Is this like cashing in your skeeball tickets? Could he have traded for four severely wounded people? But the cheap rules change does have one nice touch: as soon as Ares gives up his godhood, the chains of Hephaestus no longer hold him.

When Athena's deathquake started and Xena looked surprised, I expected Ares to tell her "Don't worry, that's been happening up here a lot lately."

So next season will start 25 years in the future, with no gods save Aphrodite and Eli's cult, and with Eve as the third wheel instead of Joxer. My wish for season six: ditch the fate of the gods, ditch the world religions, ditch changing the face of the universe. Go back to dealing with Xena, with Gabrielle, with the villager they meet, and the warlord they fight. One person and one little story at a time. That was so much more interesting than manipulating entire mythologies.

But want to know what I wonder about most for next season? I wonder if they're going to finally change those opening credits.

Return to the Wool-Gatherings.

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