Many Happy Returns

Ever since A Day in the Life, a half-dozen or so Xena comedies (including Many Happy Returns) have been described by XWP staffers or actors as "It's like A Day in the Life." In the past, it hasn't been very true. But this time, they really did hit similar notes. Despite a lot of goofy stuff going on in the episode, the main theme is Xena and Gabrielle's interactions. The eel makes a return appearance. Not one, but two splashy baths are included. The virgin and the kid are no Hower and Minya, but we make up for that by throwing in Aphrodite. The jokes are sexy, the innuendo is none too subtle, and we're heavy on the sound effects. Many Happy Returns isn't as funny as A Day in the Life, but it's close enough to make me laugh at a LOT of jokes along the way.

Favorite lines of the episode:

• #1 in a heartbeat: "These are spoken for."
• "I can't believe you did that!"
  (After Gab makes a dive in the water and Xena hits a new octave. Awright, Gab!)
• "Come on, you unfaithful."
• "It's on your belt buckle." (BIG belt buckle!)
• When Genia wonders how she can worship Aphrodite and be a virgin: "You're right, that does make you kind of a poser."
• "I put the DING in wedding!"
• "It's a bit... girly!" "Oh no honey, not with those shoulders."
• "That was a true story?!?"

These zealots worship the god of generic-ness. He's just "Almighty" and "Lord," and the worshippers are called "the zealots." I'm surprised they don't wear black and white and that Genia didn't have "SACRIFICE" stamped in monotype font on her.

In case you didn't know in the first five minutes, this episode is a comedy. You can tell because even the bad guy cranking the altar hams it up. I don't much care for it when Lucy plays Xena on the hammy side, but she kept that to a minimum for this episode and just had fun the rest of the time.

Xena is guilty of being unoriginal with the blackened telescope, but it's redeemed by the sight of Gabrielle in a fight scene with an eye like the Little Rascals' dog.

Superman alert: when Xena swoops down to grab Genia and tells her "I've got you," I fully expected Genia to reply with "You've got me? Who's got you!?"

Xena shouldn't act so shocked when Genia is upset about being rescued. The same thing happened with that damn fool Dahak cultist Seraphin. Virgins seem pretty intent on being sacrificed 'round here.

There's a convent that produces sacrificial virgins? Sounds like the next stop on the Xena and Gabrielle Butt-Kicking Tour, until Genia decides out of the blue to reform it herself. That works, too.

My favorite thing about Aphrodite is how sweet she is on Gabrielle. I got a kick out of a god making a fuss over a birthday. You'd never catch Ares doing something like that over Xena.

Listen for the by-now-required "Ow! My eye!" when Ferragus tosses the chicken leg over his shoulder.

Xena and Gabrielle have their routine down cold! In three seconds they have their bedrolls spread out, the campfire lit, the pot cooking, a sitting log pulled over... and are stripped down for some skinnydipping.

Watch when the gang enters town: there's a sword swallower with a guy right next to him attempting the same trick with a banana.

Judging by the sign, the tavern Xena and Gabrielle enter must be called something like the Soused Pig. Charming.

Wow, picking up Gabrielle and holding her in the air really works... until she finds a big enough thing to whack you on the noggin with.

NIFTY move from Xena of twisting the legs with the bad guy's arm trapped between them so he bops himself.

Dumb fight alert: If you don't want someone to take your flying helmet, put it on and FLY AWAY.

I liked Aphrodite's mad scrambling when she realized she had hooked up Genia with a "cutest little son of a... warlord! OK, OK..." this is now the second comedy that we've forbidden Aphrodite from casting any more spells to mess things up worse - and therefore neatly extended the plot an extra fifteen minutes than it would have lasted if Aphrodite could have just zapped it solved.

What on earth was Ferragus smoking in his cave? It sure was making him happy.

Check out Xena in SERIOUS drag! She even has five o'clock shadow and a beer gut. Take away the beer gut and she's pretty dashing, though. Lovely "Anthrax and Spitunia" names. Gabrielle doesn't get as nifty a costume, but she gets to have fun with accents again.

Callisto's cave has been reoccupied by Ferragus! And in homage to our dearly departed Callisto, we have a fight on ladders while a torch burns a rope. Familiar territory in more ways than one.

Dumb fight alert, part deux: When you have a flying helmet and want to keep a spiked board from falling on someone, FLY OVER AND MOVE IT.

Funny how the bad guys are STILL trying to hold knives to Gabrielle's throat. The only difference is that now it only happens when she lets them do it.

Watch Aphrodite's bag when Ferragus roots through it. There's some naughty items that the warlord tosses around while he's looking for a helmet!

Pity the poor warlord's kid. Aphrodite unzaps Genia, but leaves the lad smitten and unrequited. He even gets dumped with "Let's just be friends." That's harsh!

Genia goes through major character makeup: the drastic changing of a character's look to match her changes of heart. Her face goes from a drab virgin to a dolled-up Aphrodite-lover to a mature shelter administrator in the space of about 24 hours. She must have a trail of Mary Kay and Avon representatives following her every move.

This episode features the Battle of the Adorable Pleases. Gabrielle takes an early commanding lead with her attempts to sweet-talk Xena, including a hopping please for extra- cute effect. But Xena wins the battle with a "Please. Close your eyes." that must have had people slamming their eyes shut for miles in every direction.

In Pasadena, Renee O'Connor said that she considered the poem she read in this episode to be the perfect goodbye poem for Xena and Gabrielle, and she reads it with all the heart to match. For those of you who were too distracted by the gorgeous soft lighting and puppy dog eyes (I was the first half-dozen times or so):

There's a moment when I look at you
And no speech is left in me.
My tongue breaks, then fire races under my skin
And I tremble,
And grow pale,
For I am dying of such love.

And to cap it all off, our duo tops a boring ol' ride into the sunset by flying into the sunset. Not a bad birthday for the Gabster.

Return to the Wool-Gatherings.

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