Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire

I will admit it: I was as skeptical about this as I've ever been about a Xena episode. And it took me a while; the first ten minutes or so of the show, I would have held a huge sign above my head that read "Th' HELL is this?!?" if I'd had it. But once I got it through my head that this episode wasn't going to relate to any Xena episode before or since, that nothing's SUPPOSED to make sense, I was fine. And I even enjoyed the ride. And laughed myself silly a few times.

I knew this episode was a musical, and I knew it was a battle of the bands. So I had expected that all the musical numbers would be on stage. So when the crew launched into "War!", I nearly fell over the back of my couch in surprise. In Bitter Suite, they tried to explain why everyone was suddenly breaking into tunes. This was more like the classic movie musicals; nobody questions it when suddenly there's a studio band in the middle of an open field.

Attention, stars: Draco stole the show. His head-banging "Always Something There to Remind Me" had me in tears, I was laughing so hard. There's something cosmically beautiful about thrashing and destroying marketplaces to a bouncy 80s pop tune.

I appreciate a show that can give EVERYBODY a little eye candy. Draco - lord help us all - in nothing but a codpiece in a hot tub. Gabrielle shaking it up in a go-go cage and on the dance floor. Amazons. Smooth-chested dancer boys. No hormone shall sleep through this episode!

Gab's a tequila fan! When she's screening horrible bands, she's getting a little help from a bottle of something that takes a whole row of lemons to down. (Thanks, Charrlett, for the heads up on that one!)

Xena hasn't been doing the glowering act all that much lately, so her threat to Draco about "I'll scalp ya" was doubly impressive. Woo, that's the Warrior Princess we know and love!

When this alternate-Xena-dimension episode is over, will Joxer still be smitten over Gabrielle? Joxer (rather suddenly) takes up with a flirt, and Gab is a bit put out that she's lost her puppy dog. I have no problem with that; when someone's been adoring you for months on end, it's a little disappointing to lose it. The subplot won me over in the end, when Joxer and Gab both owned up to what was going on, and they ended it on a good "I'll always think you're a babe but maybe I'll try something else/I like ya a lot but 'Not a chance in Tartarus'" note. Not a bad resolution, if that's what they stick with.

There was something unfair about this episode. Here's Lucy singing in her Broadway voice, sounding lovely, and Renee grabs a stunt voice (for a second episode) because she can't carry a tune. But this time, Renee got to show off her boogying ability while Lucy, eight months pregnant AND with no rhythym, can't call for a stunt dancer. How fair is that? But have mercy, watch Renee move on that last song.

The substory with Jace wasn't a bad one, and was a fairly typical musical-movie kind of story: don't make fun of the "different" guy (don't say "gay!") - we're all different, shucky darn. But they never did acknowledge that Joxer had a point; why was this "secure" and "knows who he is" guy running around with a fake accent and history?

That was a slick rendition of "Sisters Are Doin' For Themselves"! I wonder if that was really the amazon's voice - she was bringin' the roof down! Nice choreography on that one, too. That was my favorite number for real musical enjoyment.

Amidst all the buff little barbie-amazons, dancers to "Sisters" included a couple of stockier chicks and an amazon in a buzz cut. Nice to see at least SOME nod to someone besides the pin-up girls.

My favorite moment of the "Trying to find a man for Xena" storyline was the exchange during Jace's song, when Xena and Cyrene smile at each other, Cyrene hopefully presents the young man she's with, and Xena realizes what's up with exasperation. It goes by in the blink of an eye.

During "Always Something...", each of Draco's visions ends with Draco holding something from the vision - a flower, a shoe. Watch after the hot tub - he's got a brasierielle! As if I hadn't already been laughing hard enough...

The final fight between Draco and Xena was a direct nod back at Sins of the Past, the very first Xena episode, when Xena and Draco settled their differences on the heads of the villagers. But Xena doesn't make the best rapper, I'm afraid.

Even though Draco stole the show, the Warrior Princess takes Line of the Episode, and snatches one of the all-time great lines of the show, with "I'd love to, but I'm fresh out of asses to kick." I can't WAIT for somebody to put that up as a sound file; I want a copy!

The guitars for Draco's band/the amazons at the end were literal axes. Nice touch!

Just in case you haven't heard yet: don't change that channel! Watch all the way through the credits for a shot of a very pregnany Lucy hamming it up for the crew.

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