Locked Up and Tied Down

Fair warning for this review's objectivity: this is the kind of Xena episode I adore. Sure, the dramas can grab my heart, and sure, the comedies can make me laugh until I'm sick, but it's a cheesy, rollicking adventure that plants a big smile on my face. Xena is dark and dangerous, Gabrielle is sweet and sneaky, and the baddie is chewing the scenery (and, in this case, the scenery's chewing on her.) Pass the popcorn, crack open a beverage of your choice, and prop your feet up with me.

Gabrielle reports that some people are saying that "the unexamined life is not worth living;" does this mean Socrates will be banging around the XenaVerse someday? ("Socrates, stop! Don't drink that hemlock!") Great "those people haven't lived my life" riposte from Xena. Attention in the terminal: the Xena guilt trip is now boarding all passengers for a 45-minute ride.

Gabrielle tries her best to defend Xena - and does a fine job of it - but it's tough to be the defense attorney when the defendant is leaping into the shackles for the jailers. The judge's "She's done nothing since you've known her to make you question her resolve for good?" is a telling question. You can almost see Xena holding her breath, waiting to see what the post-Rift Gabrielle is going to answer. Gab's reply is a wise one: let the one who is without sin cast the first stone. Mortar a whole mess o'more bricks into the rebuilding that Xena and Gabrielle are doing.

The parallel between Thelassa and Gabrielle starts be drawn almost immediately, as soon as Xena mentions her "light," which is the same word she's used so often to describe the bard. Maybe this was part of the reason she took on a tagalong from Poteidaia? The presumed fate of Thelassa flies in the face of Xena's usual protests about killing women and children. According to Flashback Xena's words - and reactions - it's the first time she's crossed that line. And was it on purpose? Xena claims to be prepared to come back and release Thelassa, but then why leave her with the crabs already starting to do their work? Is Xena guilty of murder or gross negligence?

Flashback Xena threatens to kill the group of women she's rounded up as hostages, but look at the crowd - there's at least one guy in that flock, too.

When did this happen in Xena's past? Judging by her outfit and furry-headed flunkies, it's after her return from Chin. There's no sign of Borias. But she doesn't yet have her warlord armor.

This episode's got some chilling stuff to it. Nibbly, leaping rats, hangings, flesh-eating crustaceans, and rotting corpses. Those yells that Thelassa lets out as she's devoured gave me the screaming heebie-jeebies.

Possible sign of episodes being shown out of order: Xena says "we're always talking about your spiritual quest" - since when? Is this something that's been happening off-camera, or something we haven't seen yet?

What was Xena about to say when she and Gabrielle were yanked apart at the dock? Whatever it was, it looked like it was going to be deep and meaningful. Drat those timely interruptions!

For once, it's Xena that has left Gabrielle. When the bard is sitting morosely in the bar (what's she drinking, anyway?) with Xena's chakram, I realized that other than one little Green Dragon incident, it's usually been the other way around. Gab doesn't take to being left behind too easily. Her response brings back vivid memories of the episode The Black Wolf: Gabrielle manages to get herself into the prison and bring Xena's weaponry with her.

One small question: we see lots of Xena's chakram, and it's a blaring symbol of when Xena stops fighting and when she battles again. But where's Xena's sword? For that matter, Argo's never mentioned either. Maybe THAT'S what Xena was going to say on the dock - "don't forget to feed my horse!"

Most of the women in this prison look about as dangerous as deer. Ursina ("bear woman"?) and her crew are the exception. Ursina looks ready to chew nails - or random set pieces - at the drop of a hat.

Was it a nice piece of acting, or was that prison set freezing? Xena looked chilled to the bone most of the times in the courtyard.

Nicely-done humor moment by the warden: he sniffs the prisoners, then turns suspiciously to his own men, when he notices the bad smell in the area.

That was some pretty vivid penance Xena imposes on herself when she builds the monument and grave while chained. I half-expected Xena to sing the funeral dirge for her victims. Beautiful emotion in that scene. It was almost beautiful enough to make me not quibble about being allowed to dig a grave in the middle of the courtyard or collect a bunch of spare supplies for altar building... almost.

Xena comes verrrrrry close to succesfully making herself fall into the role of the quiet, obedient prisoner, until one of the deer is threatened. (Then Xena gets to be creative with a soaked noose.) As the warden said, you're a real hero, aren't you, Xena?

The warden sure gets his clock cleaned early and often. First Xena gets her licks in, then Gabrielle, then he's finally offed by Ursina. Contrary to what I expected in the beginning, Xena's climactic battle isn't against the cruel warden, who nonetheless had the law on his side, but was against Ursina and her buddies, who would have been a menace had they escaped. Nice touch.

Gabrielle apparently spent her week on the mainland by playing strip poker with the previous healer and altering her winnings. Her tie-dyed outfit is an almost exact copy of his, as is her hat, necklace, and bracelets.

"The thought of you has haunted me every moment of my life," says Thelassa (Nicole Kidman, is that you?). Shades of Callisto come back again. The difference is that Thelassa isn't psychotic. But she's mired in bitterness and cruelty, which Gabrielle manages to reach past. Thelassa sure took a fast shine to Gab!

The entire pit sequence is fabulous, starting with that nasty tumble in and Xena's wincing groan from the impact. I cheered and laughed myself silly when Xena starts handing out the rabid dog chomps. "That's enough", ha! She has the whole pack running scared by the end of it. Then to top it all off she picks up a dead rat not just with her mouth, but with her tongue - Eee-yuk! - and gives it a 100-foot vertical toss. Xena's discovered a new Olympic event. I can't imagine why it never caught on.

It's been quite a while since we've seen anyone get the better of Gabrielle in a fight. I'll blame it on the head injury and still cheer the fact that the bard flattened Ursina's four buddies first.

In the fight between Ursina and Xena, watch after Xena flips to her feet on the table. Ursina looks table-level at where Xena used to be, then up. That's a great choreography touch.

Xena takes heaping gobs of abuse in this episode. By the end of it, she's been serving hard labor, pummeled by a whole group of guards, hog-tied in chains and dropped a story or two into a cold, dank pit, has been nibbled on by rats, and tops it all off with a nasty fight against five crazed prisoners. Thank goodness Gabrielle had been brushing up on her healing skills to give Xena the red cross treatment when it was all over.

Return to the Wool-Gatherings.

	Web www.bethgriese.com