Livia

I'm sure there was a really good episode in here somewhere. But I think it fell through some of these mile-wide story holes, and all we were left with was an OK lead-in to next week's episode.

Fantastic scene of Xena and Gabrielle emerging from the ice. That was some nifty imagery. But when Xena chopped into Gabrielle's coffin, I was afraid she had invented the saw-the-lovely-assistant-in-half magician's trick.

The passage of twenty-five years makes for a LOT of changes (although village life seems to be roughly the same). I guess we can say goodbye to most of the characters we knew before: Cyrene, Lila, Autolycus. Argo's gone, but I'm glad they gave her appropriate due. And then conveniently replaced her with her duplicate daughter. Great re-introduction scene between Xena and Argo II. Sadly, Gab's horse dies nameless, but apparently also had an identical offspring. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

So Joxer and Meg run the world's first Hard Rock Cafe. I loved all the cheesy memorabilia all over the place. I counted at least two paintings, the BGSB and skirt on one wall, action figures, the scroll from Looking Death in the Eye (which apparently happened about 10 years ago), some swords, a toy Argo, and innumerable sais and chakrams (although I'm not sure about staffs).

Within a three-minute timespan, Meg gets credit for the worst attempts at humor (ENOUGH with the fart gags, already!), but also takes the best line of the episode with "...only Gabrielle wasn't so butch." As I nearly laughed my way through the next two minutes, I remembered that Meg hasn't seen Gabrielle in a season and a half or so.

Through most of the episode, I was seeing Livia only as the daughter of Xena. Same fighting moves, same thing with Ares, the blue eyes... it made sense. But something was missing, and it didn't hit me until the Arena fight that this was also the reincarnation of Callisto, in all her evil and insane glory. I don't know if Livia's actress did it on purpose, but Livia's mannerisms seemed taken right from Callisto's page with her snarls and lowered gazes. Her line "Our time ran out 25 years ago" sounded like a Callisto echo. So much for angelic reincarnations.

Joxer said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but his son ditched his childhood fascination with goofy hats, is handsome, buff, literate, and thoughtful. What tree was Joxer talking about?

Here's my major, big-time problem with the episode: Xena left Gabrielle, Joxer, and Virgil at Virgil's shop. And then didn't worry that she didn't see them until a day or two later at the arena? When did Xena find out that they were pitched in prison? Did she even check? Did Gabrielle try to reach her? Xena must have found out SOMEhow, since she ended up fighting as their champion, but geez, what a lame way to get the other characters out of the way while Xena tried to get in touch with Livia's soft and blissful side.

Shotgun-wielding dads have nothing on Xena. She nearly squeezes the life out of a Roman emperor who declares his intentions for Livia, and throws a chakram between her and another unsuitable (and godly) suitor. Overprotective moms are tough when the mom is also a Warrior Princess.

This episode has some pretty serious tragedy to it. Besides the general having-25-years-stolen angst, there's also the fact that well-meaning Octavius loves a woman who couldn't care less about him. And that Livia has devoted herself to a god who doesn't have the slightest commitment in return. And most of all, despite her best efforts and intentions, Xena has lost a second child. Major bummer.

NICE kick from Gabrielle to bring the porch down! 25 years as a Gabsicle hasn't slowed her down.

Ares Reaction of the Episode: his drop-mouthed stare when he laid eyes on Xena for the first time in 25 years. His was the best response to the lost 25 years out of everyone's.

Thank goodness Ares sprouted a LITTLE sense after he held back a 25-year-old hellion warrioress and talked about how Xena's interest would lead him right to Eve.

Livia really needs to rethink the Bacchanalia's Vampira makeup. Too bad she didn't inherit Mom's fashion sense - Xena's costume REALLY showed her up. Sorry, kid.

Octavius has a serious thing for jailbait. He wants to marry a woman 20 years his junior, and at the Bacchanalia, the girl draped on his left looked about 15 years old. (I'm refraining from making any Oedipus cracks about Octavius because he said he shipped Livia off to the provinces to be raised, so it's possible he didn't do much fatherly-type action before deciding to marry the kid.)

This is REALLY nitpicky, but that dagger Livia threw at Xena spun the wrong direction for Livia's underhanded throw.

The two storylines (95% Xena and Livia, 5% everybody else in jail) get hopelessly muddled when Livia rides into the arena, where she has now scheduled herself for two different fights. Was she expecting to fight Xena, or Virgil?

The arena apparently only has one wall of spectators; they showed the same shot of the cheering crowd, with the big guy in blue next to the leaning two-fist-in-the-air guy, a grand total of five times.

Judging by the music and the pregnant buildup, we were supposed to be really worried that Octavius wouldn't order Xena and Livia to live. Was that ever in doubt?

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