Who's Gurkhan?

Let's get right to the point: This episode rocked. It was a small, simple story that addressed some of the oldie but goodie themes of the series. Xena and Gabrielle battled a corrupt warlord for the sake of their friends and family, and along the way contemplated justice, vengeance, violence, and proved how strong they are when they work together. It had its stumbles and cheesy moments, but that's part of the show I know and love.

Poteidaia continues to change with every episode we see it... but the home is the same one we saw in Family Affair. 50% on the consistency scale.

Nice makeup job on Lila to age her! In fact, the makeup and wardrobe departments were really firing on all cylinders for this episode. Xena and Gabrielle's outfits and veils, Lila's age, and Xena's body paint were all excellent. I'm a little iffy on Gabrielle's corn rows, but since everything else looked so great, I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

Sign of the times: "So you weren't really dead." "Not that time." Five OTHER times, yes, but not then. Nice delivery of the line, though.

Worst misfire of the episode: Gabrielle's declaration of malice and forethought. Gabrielle wasn't given long enough to absorb what was done to her family and decide that she wanted to kick some booty for it. And her emphatic "I want vengeance!" line, Xena's jump in dramatic shock, and the accompanying thunder and downpour of rain were all so overdone that I laughed all the way through the opening credits.

Xena and Gabrielle's plan(s) was a good one: becoming a concubine attains both of Gabrielle's goals. It's the way to hunt up Sara from the inside, and since no one outside the palace knows who Gurkhan is, the solution is to become someone who's confined to the palace. But I was never sure that they had found the real Gurkhan. I kept expecting them to find out that Gurkhan was like the Dread Pirate Roberts, not a person so much as a title that gets passed from person to person. Who, other than that pesky First Wife, would know?

I loved the transition in attitudes that Xena and Gabrielle take in this episode. At the beginning, Gabrielle plans to take on Gurkhan and pretty much ignores Xena. Xena does the overprotective routine and decides that Gabrielle can do nothing on her own. Xena tries to cut Gabrielle out of the action completely by knocking her out not just once, but twice, jumping into harm's way instead. Xena pays a high price for trying to take Gabrielle's actions - and consequences - on herself instead. But on her own, Gabrielle probably would have been doomed. She would have charged into the palace like a kamikaze pilot, and at the end of her dance, she looked ready to knife the wrong guy. It's not until Xena and Gabrielle decide to work together instead of alone - Xena by supporting Gab's mission instead of commandeering it and Gab by allowing Xena to join the plan - that they become unstoppable.

Was there some drunken sailor just off-camera who was forcing Eve to lean right on Xena while they talked on the ship, or was that done purely for a screen capture moment? (Cheesy though it was, it DID play up how much Eve has her momma's eyes.)

Notify the press: Eve made it through an entire episode without mentioning Eli's name. And instead of just whimpering through the show, she was putting some of those brains to work. "That's your goal; what's your plan?" Now THAT'S the thinking of someone who was a commander for Rome. This was definitely Eve's best episode yet, even though she only got to be in a little part of it.

Joxer's son is now fulfilling Joxer's old role. He has the same crush on Gabrielle, and is following the girls around like a puppy. But as opposed to his old man, when Virgil is told to do something, he's perfectly competent at it. And doesn't have any braggart slapstick tendencies, either. Meg must have knocked some sense into him when he was growing up.

The auction scene was fantastic - that's when the episode kicks into high gear. The music builds, the auction speeds up, and then everything jumps into hyper mode with the seller going off like a cattle auctioneer, the camera shots taking about a half second each, Virgil's befuddlement (and even Xena's confusion) in the midst of it, and the one real moment of comedy in the episode: "Are you bidding, sir, or are you just picking your nose? Well, stop it!" I laughed myself silly.

Gabrielle says that two can play the threatening game, and the next thing we know, Virgil is selling Gabrielle for all he's worth. What did she threaten him with? Personally, I think it must have had something to do with "no chance for nookie in a million lifetimes."

Was the identity of Sara really supposed to be a surprise to anyone? She was the only other harem member we met, besides the newcomers with Xena and the woman from Japan, and the only one with hair notably similar to Gabrielle's. Gee, I wonder what HER name could be?

Kudos to all the supporting actors in this episode. The new girls, especially the one who wanted to be a concubine, and Sara were all well played. Sara's introduction and her "Bad doll!" line were juicy.

I may not be looking hard enough at the back straps of Gabrielle's dress, but I could swear that knife she reaches for at the end of the dance isn't there for the rest of it.

Slight commercial-cut blooper: before the commercial, Xena's head falls unconscious onto Gabrielle's shoulder. After the commercial, it's down around mid-back.

Xena's torture scene is brutal, both for the savagery of the beating and for the suffering Gabrielle goes through upstairs. Well done, right down to the old warrior princess music that we seem to get every time since The Gauntlet that Xena's gotten the crap kicked out of her.

Last episode ended with a pretty unconvincing statement from Xena that remembering Gabrielle got her through the rough times. This time, we got pretty indisputable evidence of it: when beaten into a bloody pulp, Gabrielle is the vision she sees. What a handy vision, too - it even dances for her. And in the end of it all, after Xena has insisted to the vision that she wants to be there and stayed true to the purpose the pesky dancer reminds her of, Xena gets her reward; she's delivered back to the real Gabrielle's care, and everything's "peachy." Now THAT'S devotion.

Ummmm, Xena? Gab? Servants ARE people, y'know. What on earth was up with discussing their whole plan and purpose while one of the servants tended to Xena's wounds? The scene even ended with a suspiciously long shot of the servant's face... but we never hear boo about it again. What was up with that?

Xena brings new definition to the words "quick healer." At most, a day goes by since being hog-tied upside-down, bleeding puddles and in danger of losing an eye or two, and next thing you know she's boogying to the band. I wondered during Xena's beating whether the guards would be in trouble for damaging Gurkhan's valuable property... I guess Gurkhan already knew that Fatima has the regenerative properties of a gecko.

Check out Xena and Gabrielle when FirstWife shows up and orders everyone onto their faces: Xena's showing Gab the hookah pipe. Was she about to demonstrate how to take a good hit off the bong?

And now... the battle of the Solid Gold dancers! Wow, Xena and Gabrielle both get their turn doing the stripper-in- search-of-a-pole act. Both dances are... ahem... well done. Have I mentioned that in my city, Xena shows at 10am on a Saturday? About 250 kids this weekend who were channel surfing for their favorite cartoons got their hormones unexpectedly carbonated. These dances proved flip sides of similar coins to me. Gabrielle showed exactly how much about dancing she's learned since those early beginnings in the first season. And Lucy Lawless pulls off her best dancing job that I've seen her do.

In both dances, I got a heck of a lot of entertainment watching the "musicians" in the back of the room. Most of them weren't even playing the right instruments for the music we were hearing, let alone playing at the same tempo or with the same amplifiers as the soundtrack.

The Xena Translator on my shoulder says that Xena's tummy tattoo said "If you can read this, you're too close. Signed, R Tapert."

XenaStaff dives into a little biblical inspiration again, but instead of plagiarizing for Eli's sermons, this time they come up with Salome's dance for the head of John the Baptist. That was a nifty little plan, although it took some more prescience from Xena to know that Sara wouldn't be beheaded on the spot. Wouldn't THAT have put a small crimp in Gabrielle's plans?

Xena shows another clever streak with her plan for getting Gabrielle and she together alone with Gurkhan. Not too many guys sitting around with a stable full of harem girls could resist any idea that starts out with "How about sexy me and my adorable friend over there..."

Gabrielle's vengeance results in a mixed bag, but it's ultimately pretty darn satisfying. Revenge doesn't mean much if the guy doesn't know why the vengeance has come, which Gabrielle mostly takes care of with a quick explanation (although he may have needed more specifics to know exactly which people he's beheaded that she was talking about). She decides not to kill him, but the rule that says "that will make me like you" apparently doesn't apply to beating the daylights out of an incapacitated man, dragging him around the castle, and then leaving him for his guards to kill. Slippery thing, those vengeance morals.

Gabrielle probably picks the single best thing to say to Sara when she tells her that nobody blames her for what happened. That was a well-done scene. But I did have one quibble with the dialogue: "They killed Grandma and Grandpa" was a much more powerful statement than "They killed father," mostly because I don't know any kids who call their dad Father. Was the formal name for her dad just a bad word choice, or a sign that she wasn't much of a daddy's girl?

Line of the episode goes to Xena for "There's a loophole in the system," spoken with Gurkhan's head tucked under her arm.

Great moment when Xena and Gabrielle release all the wives with "We're going on a cruise... anyone care to come?" I could have done without all the giggling, though. And check out the chick who worked so hard to be bought by Gurkhan - she's the first one out the door! If hitting the road beats marrying rich, mayying poor, AND joining a harem, why didn't she just do that in the first place?

Those guards who manage to behead Gurkhan thinking he's the First Wife win the Stupid Award of the Month. Gurkhan deserved to get offed just for having such dumb bruisers on his staff. Cool head-on-the-floor effect, though.

There wasn't a single real fight in this episode. No swords, only one brief glimpse of a dagger, and the "fight" with Gurkhan was just a quick neck pinch that made him lie there while he was treated as a punching bag and dragged around as a key. That may be a record for a Xena episode.

Nice final scene, with Sara bemoaning that she has to reconcile with her mother and deal with her guilt... she WAS in the right company. It was a cute parallel, but also pretty funny for how much of a guilt duffer even Gabrielle would make Sara look, never mind Xena and Eve.

Return to the Wool-Gatherings.

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