God Fearing Child

I have to start this wool-gathering by saying: I don't give a rat's ass about Hercules. I don't have anything against the strong hunky do-gooder, I just never watched his show. Which means half of this episode, which was a bunch of Hercules episode references and resolutions, was yawn-worthy to me. You got your Hercules in my Xena!

That said, kudos all around to the ensemble cast. Hercules was cool (I liked the attitude he gave Ares), Zeus and Hera rocked. Wow, that Zeus guy can deliver a "You selfish pup!" line like he's used to ruling the world for a few millennia. Hera was pretty neat, too, although those must be the palest eyes I've ever seen in my life; I kept wondering if she was wearing Marilyn Manson contacts. They give that woman a look as if she really could see right through mere mortals. Spiffy!

I liked the reunion scene when Hercules arrived. Loved the hair jokes between Hercules and Gabrielle. But wouldn't an "old friend" ask about the father of the baby? I would loved to have seen Herc's reaction to Xena's "Yeah, Gabrielle" line. And the Iolaus hydra was terribly cute. Would probably scare a baby half to death, and I dunno what saddlebag it's supposed to fit in, but it was cute. Maybe that's why guys don't do baby showers.

Major episode plot problem #1: The non-existent plan. Xena sets the heroes in motion by splitting the scooby crew up: Xena and Gabrielle would get Hades' helmet, Hercules would get the Kronus bone (no, not the Kronus STone). Then Xena could sneak up on Zeus and kill him. But in no time, Xena was giving the helmet to Solan and Hercules was hunting down Zeus himself. Plan? What plan?

Credit for consistency: that lake COULD be the same one Xena swam into in Mortal Beloved. Nice sign of the times that, this time, there's never even a question that Gabrielle will be waiting by the bank.

Major episode plot problem #2: Solan. The discovery of Solan was a really heart-kicking scene. But I've got screaming problems with that whole storyline. Never mind the fact that he backwards-aged about seven years in Tartarus (and they showed an Orphan of War clip instead of Maternal Instincts or Bitter Suite in the hope we wouldn't notice). This is the kid who put Xena and Gabrielle in Illusia for that whole Bitter Suite business, but he somehow ended up stuck in Tartarus? I thought that kind of meant he was above these decisions; I can't believe the average resident of Tartarus OR the Fields are able to bring people back from the dead after putting them through weird reconciliation Alice in Wonderland worlds. And speaking of Bitter Suite, Xena got her resolution with Solan then. Why on earth did we need to do it again here?

You GO, Gabrielle! I loved it when she flipped those sai into place, grabbed the helmet, and cleaned up house. I had been spending the entire scene muttering "SOMEbody grab that helmet, already!" I love that the sidekick is the one who did it and cleared the way. Nifty disappearing effect, too! You can see Gabrielle start to roll right before she's totally gone.

Hades is, yet again, the wussiest god in the whole Olympian order. That guy has GOT to learn to keep track of his helmet and his dead. I'd suggest a belt strap and a few good accountants.

FANTASTIC scene between Ares and Xena in the halls of Tartarus. Out of all the ways Ares has tried to woo Xena, he's never declared real feelings for her. He blows off the attempt after Xena calls his bluff, and gets the great "I'm pregnant, not brain-damaged" retort thrown at him. But then he finally musters an "I love you"... after she's gone. Symbolic. And probably, as Xena said, driven totally by desperation. The only thing to cap it was that I was really hoping, at the very end, that Ares would get a one-two punch from an invisible trailing bard.

Scorecard! Scorecard! Can't tell your god-guards without a scorecard! I couldn't figure out HOW Xena and Gabrielle were killing those guards outside the gate to the Elysian Fields without making the others stronger. I finally had to guess that these were Hades' flunkies instead of Prodsidi- gesundheit.

We've always known this, but dear lord, Xena is made out of cast-iron SOMETHING. The woman's in serious labor and still fighting! Makes me hurt just to watch it.

Nifty throw from Herc to Xena right through two Prodsidi- expialidocious! Watch Gabrielle's "What the HELL was that?!" reaction.

It was sweet of Gab to try to distract Xena with stories (or maybe suggestions) from old times... too bad it didn't work. Gabrielle refused to leave Xena during the birth, even when Xena tried to get her clear of the danger. I think Xena's attempt was half-hearted, though; Xena ends up holding so tight to Gabrielle I wondered if she was trying to share half those birth pains with her after all.

So in the final death tally, Zeus and Hera are really, totally dead. I think. Ares and Hades and the rest are still around just like always. I think. Or they might be mortal; it's hard to tell from Ares's brow-lift. Either way, they're leaderless now in a big way. That ought to make for some nice chaos to come.

Watch for a major camera flip in the final scene. When we first see our heroes from above, it's Hercules on the left, and Gabrielle on the right. When they're shown from eye level, Hercules and Gabrielle have switched places.

From what I've gathered, I think that's Julius, Lucy's own baby, in the final scene. Hi there, cute little guy! Welcome to the wacky world of show biz - only a couple months old, and your mom's in some weird outfit and calling you by the wrong name AND gender. Don't worry, it's not you. You'll get used to it.

The "everything but the kitchen sink" approach to religion really bites the XenaStaff in the butt when they try to make touching statements like that Xena and her kids will be together forever. It makes no sense (or is a bald-faced lie) when Solan is in the Elysian Fields but Xena will apparently be bouncing between angel duty and reincarnations for the rest of time.

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