When Fates Collide

Hol-ee cow. Now THAT was an episode for the record books. A little microcosm of its own (except for some questionable effects on the future) akin to Remember Nothing, a really cool and interesting "What if?" experiment, and a darned thought-provoking look at the characters and their whole story. Plus a neat little story within it all, awesome costumes and acting, a cool fight or two... and welcome to happy Xena heaven.

When Fates Collide really made me take another look at Xena's life story. I realized I had never really given her encounter with Caesar enough credit. Sure, it was a neat story and a Bad Moment in Xena's life that she harbored a serious grudge about. But when I started to wonder why this alternate Xena was so calm and collected and not really evil at all, it pointed to Caesar's betrayal as the catalyst for pushing Xena from flirting-with-nastiness to completely- over-the-edge-homicidal. I had always credited Ares and some general mayhem for that, but this episode begs to differ. Apparently in this lifetime, Xena never even takes Ares' particular notice (or if she did, she must have told him to take a hike long ago). Without the bitterness and just plain insanity of the crucifixion, Xena is still wild, but a fair and well-loved ruler.

One other note: Xena doesn't have her chakram. I guess without Ares's attention, she doesn't get the chakram. She should have the neck pinch, since she was learning that while she was hooking up with Caesar, but we don't see it here. Still has that cool "many skills" line, though!

Anyway, let's start the actual episode comments with a fun quibble. The whole thing starts with Caesar telling the replay of Xena's crucifixion "Stop. Back it up." Who the heck is he talking to? He's chained up the Fates and is examining the threads alone. Apparently 26 years or so in Hades will leave one talking to oneself.

Love the nifty touch of the bloody stab marks on the front and back of Caesar's tunic. Can you imagine how drafty and smelly those would be after a couple of dozen years?

Here's a question that's bugging me: what time did they all end up in? Obviously it's been quite a while since Destiny, so they didn't go back to that moment. But if they went back to the "current" moment in the alternate timeline, they'd all be about 36 years older, and they're definitely not showing that age.

[Interesting postscript: Katherine Fugate, When Fates Collide's writer, was kind enough to chat about this. She said that this story wasn't meant to coincide with the same timeframe as Xena and Gab's real story. This one just kind of picked up where it got interesting - namely, when Gabrielle showed up on the scene. I can buy that!]

AltXena asks if her entertainment for the night is going to be "a new wrestler from Thrace." She's a WWF fan? Ew, no wonder that world gets called "godforsaken."

Great lines of the episode:

"More drivel from old men with tricky names: that was thoughtful of you."
"It's Caesar's bedchamber, too." (Meow! Subtle.)
"Get out of the way! Get your filthy hands off her."
   (delivered with some SERIOUS power of conviction)
"I can't believe they were going to kill you for writing that bad play." (Ahhh, Joxer, Joxer)
"Fame. Who needs it?"

"Unlock it."
"But Caesar said-"
"-to enrage the empress until she beats the tar out of you?"
"I must have missed that I'll open the door."

In this timeline, it looks like when Alti was kicked out of the amazons, instead of holing up like the wicked unabomber of the east, she headed straight for Rome. And got appointed High Priestess, with lots of pretty clothes, much less eye makeup, and a lot fewer cigarettes and whiskey to ruin her voice. She's still pathologically power-hungry and a really nasty customer, but she's smoother and even trickier than before. NOT somebody you want to meet in a dark alley (or even a well-lit alley).

AltGabrielle's writing plays based on RealTimeline episodes. I wonder how she explained Married with Fishsticks?

Awesome reaction from Caesar when Gabrielle is introduced. He tries to hide how astounded he is that this dratted woman would show up again, and quickly checks Xena's reaction for any signs of recognition.

"Someone who looks so deeply into our soul that we find something worth dying for." Xena and Gabrielle rise to that lofty description in this episode. In that first meeting at the play and on the balconies, the looks they exchange are devastatingly soulful. I could have fried bacon on my TV.

In this alternate timeline, while Gabrielle is still visionary, she seems to be the one who's more emotionally closed off. It's Xena who is actually in touch with her feelings. (Gasp!) They both feel the wallop when they meet, but Gabrielle is disturbed, confused, and longs for more contact so she can figure out what's going on. Xena doesn't need much of anything else; she seems near-obsessed from the first moment Gabrielle's introduced, and before you know it she's spouting love three or four times over to Gab. Gab manages only to echo an obtuse "for love" back to Xena. That's one of the few things that are consistent between Remember Nothing and When Fates Collide: in both, Gabrielle's openness and trust in people was nowhere to be found. Fragile thing, that openness.

Caesar got the timeline he wanted, but all is still not well for him. Apparently his marriage is on the rocks and has been for a while. Judging be how much her people reportedly love her, is AltXena becoming too morally high-minded for Caesar? She's warned Caesar against Alti, but Caesar seems to be listening to Alti anyway. That'd put a crimp in anyone's relationship.

Alti kills the ambassadors of Chin with a "lifetime of pain," but that's nothing compared to what she latches onto with AltXena: the RealXena has a lifetime of deaths to draw on!

AltJoxer is probably the only one who fared better in this timeline. He's gainfully employed as a soldier (that's kind of a warrior), is married with kids, and isn't even much of a dimwit, even if he's still woefully out of the loop. Sorry Joxer. (That was a strange return for Ted Raimi - we haven't seen him in nearly a year, and he pops back up for about seven minutes of not very vital screen time. Weird.)

"What do you want?" "Your hands on me." Now THERE'S a pair of lines that sound a lot dirtier out of context!

Two questions about the flashbacks Xena sees in Alti's cell:

We see AltXena watching Caesar in bed with someone else. The bed scene looked like the one we get of Alti and Caesar, but it could also have been from Caesar's dream of Xena in Ides of March. But neither had the AltXena there. All the other things we see are the memories from RealXena. What was that shot?

Along the same lines that it seems like these were supposed to be memories: Xena wasn't around for the "can't have a crucifixion without crosses" line, or for Caesar cutting the Fates' thread. Why was she seeing those as memories?

Gabrielle's near-crucifixion is painful to watch, to see the reactions of someone who can't believe this horrendous thing is happening to her. Ouch ouch ouch.

I love Alti's line, as she's trying to seduce Caesar into allying forces, "I love Rome as much as you do." This is the man who, in the last world as well as this one, declares "I am Rome." They both want power for themselves and will use Rome as the name for it.

If you have stereo on your TV, listen to it closely as zippyAlti gives her "my powers have evolved" speech as she circles Xena. The sound circles, too. Nifty! I was so interested in what my speakers were doing that I almost forgot to chuckle that Alti said the line "It's all about me!"

Caesar's line "Your death with not be in vain, Xena. Because you'll always hold a special place in Romes heart; amongst Caesar's conquered" (and Xena's responding spit) is a duplicate of his line in Destiny... and he knows it when he says it. He's just committed the same act that got him in so much trouble last time.

Caesar's taunt "And what about you, Brutus?" is ALMOST a duplicate of his gasped "And you, Brutus?" when Brutus stood among the assassins in Ides of March. Both are pretty fair equivalents to Shakespeare's "Et tu, Brute?"

Also in the "literary literacy" realm, Caesar's line "It's not that I love you any less, but that I love Rome more" (and, of course, he's Rome) to justify killing Brutus is a mirror of Shakespeare's line that Brutus gives to justify killing Caesar: "Not that I love Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more."

Small sleight-of-hand by the episode: why does Joxer tell Gabrielle he'll help her (except perhaps just because he saw how much she meant to Xena)? And is his idea of helping her taking her into the dungeon? Didn't Caesar think to ask that Gabrielle be obliterated?

AltXena hits a very deep-thinking note when she says that all the bad things in her realLife happened "precisely as it should." She doesn't finish the sentence, but presumably the rest of it was "so that I could find you." All the bad stuff (and Gabrielle reaches the same conclusion about losing her dream of being a playwright) was necessary for their own Greater Good; being happy together. Heavy, dude.

This episode is scorchingly romantic. Lines like Alti telling Xena about her discussion with Gabrielle "Wouldn't Caesar give anything to have you look at him that way" sets up a pretty vicious pair of love triangles. Xena proves darned eloquent about her choice with "Some things are worth dying for. Isn't that what your play was about? Being prepared to sacrifice all for love?" And the last moment in the jail cell is enough to leave the soft-hearted swooning: both Xena and Gabrielle are worried solely about the other. Xena espouses undying love and gives one last order to Joxer to get Gabrielle out. Gabrielle stays even as the guards who just tried to crucify her swarm around them, and gives a pretty useless "Don't touch her!" as if she could somehow try to protect her.

The intercutting of Xena's crucifixion and Alti's seduction- n-betrayal is brutal. In the end, as each hammer blow mixes with each stabbing, they even sometimes put Caesar's screams over shots of Xena. I was thoroughly creeped out by the end of it.

But in spite of creepiness, I must make the smart-aleck remark: Goodness, Caesar likes his women on top, doesn't he? He and Alti are in a near-duplicate clinch as his Ides dream of fooling around with Xena.

Though Caesar loses in the end, he's incredibly smart. His main focus for the first three-quarters of the episode is keeping Xena, which he sees as his key for success. He tries to get rid of Alti and Gabrielle in one fell swoop to lock Xena onto him. When that doesn't work, he has to go to plan B: don't make an enemy of Xena. He even calls her "my love" and agrees to the damage control of not overtly killing Gabrielle in order to keep Xena by his side, no matter how much of a farce it is. But he also knows by that point that there's no avoiding Xena and Gabrielle coming together, so he enacts plan C, and tries to kill Gabrielle covertly. This plan turns out to be a no-lose situation, since even when Xena thwarts it, he can now accuse her of treason (plan D), put her on the cross, and hook up with Alti as his power buddy. Poor Caesar - too bad plan D didn't account for the fact that Alti doesn't share power with anyone.

In the nifty-if-gross shot department, check out the blood flowing through the mud as Xena's cross is lifted.

The Fates are officially wimps and their security sucks. They've stayed bound in chains that look like they'd fall to the floor if the Fates didn't hold onto them, and now both a guy from the underworld and a playwright have marched into their stronghold at will. What wusses!

Do not piss off the playwright. She decides she'd rather have nothing at all (and the whole world go with it) if she can't have Xena. "So be it!" Gutsy.

The end confused me - and it looks like it confused Xena and Gabrielle, too. Are they back to the same world as before? Costumes and Argo are the same. They both remember what happened, though. Where Xena was the killer of the gods, is Gabrielle now the destroyer of fates? Does whatever world they returned to still include Fate, or no?

I liked the cute "So did you like my play?" banter at the end.

So the episode's final destiny-not-fate tally is:

Not Destiny:

Lao Ma and the green dragon
Xena and Ares
Joxer's death
Alti's death (it doesn't happen until the world is destroyed)

Caesar's betrayal and death
Xena's betrayal by Caesar
Alti vs. Xena
Xena and Gabrielle (awwwwww)
Gabrielle's haircut

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