Endgame

Wow, what a ride! Tons of action, some good pathos without making the episode too painful, Xena gets vicious, Gab gets noble, the supporting characters get amazed, and we even are treated to the obligatory "we'll be silly for an opening scene before things turn nasty." All the ingredients for a rockin' good episode.

The Amazon Recycling Program continues. Solari and Ephiny have joined the same scrapheap that Eponin and Melosa went to, and a brand-spankin' new Chalupa is now in her place. If Chalupa has a brain in her head, she ought to be feeling real nervous about the survival rate of named Amazons in this tribe.

A lot of people - me included - have wondered what the next visit with the Amazons would be like, given that the last time the Amazons saw Xena and Gabrielle, Xena attacked the tribe, broken Ephiny's arm, and dragged Gab from the camp, and since then, their sometime queen has forsaken battle. Their reunion was anticlimactic: not a peep was made about Xena's little lapse, and the tribe didn't even question Gab's haircut, much less "Hey, where's the staff?" If the rest of the episode wasn't good enough to cover that, I would have been peeved. As it was, the story was good enough to keep me from worrying about it. Which was probably what the Amazons were thinking, too. ("Let's see... broken limbs or decimation by the Romans. Hmmm.")

If there's such a thing as a good day of fighting, there's also a good warrior death, and Ephiny got it. She fought so well that her enemy praised her. That's about as good as it gets. It's a shame to see Ephiny go. I liked watching her start off so skeptical of Gabrielle to gradually become her staunchest supporter. One question, though: what about Xenon? I assume her son is growing up with the Centaurs, but nobody mentioned a thing about it.

The whole net scene is extremely, beautifully , horrifyingly cute. Gab's vow of non-violence seems to include not even running when a taunting ("Here, fishy fishy fishy") warrior princess is about to throw her in a cold river. But, Gab... "it won't hurt the fish"? These are the same fish you're planning to let suffocate in the air, behead, disembowel, and eat, right? Get a grip.

"Oh, no, I surrender before Gabrielle." That's probably the award-winning line of the season. But even though it's all said in fun, Xena ends up having to put her money where her mouth is. She wanted to let Brutus die, but she defied Chalupa and obeyed Gab's order to let him live. When it comes to the Amazons, Xena gives the lead over to Gabrielle.

Xena and Gabrielle made a beautiful, orchestrated show of teamwork in this episode:

• No one, including the two central figures, blinked when Xena started giving battle orders (although Xena did try to save a little face by checking with Gab when she was done - an appearance neither of them try to keep up through the rest of the episode).

• Gabrielle made bold and gutsy alliances for peace that I thought would drive Xena batty, until we found out that she was stationed in the wings gauging Brutus's reaction right alongside Gab.

• While Xena let Gabrielle have the reins for Amazon leadership, Gab still respected Xena's battle machinations. Even though she was horrified at the trap for Pompey's troops, I think she was going to let it stand. If Gabrielle had ordered the prisoners to be taken down, Xena would probably have done it, but Gabrielle seemed willing to let Xena make that call. Until Brutus stepped in to make the point moot.

Amareese is kind of an Amazonian Joxer, right down to the goofy hat, but with more competence in battle to back up her blowhards and minus the pratfalls (thank heavens). The kid's annoying, but she snuck into my heart when she got that puppy dog excited look and vaulted the horse when Xena chose her to join her raiding party.

What's with Amareese's talk about another tribe? And how can she just hopscotch from tribe to tribe like she's doing? What happened at her last one? And how much of all that "In MY tribe..." stuff was pure malarkey? I got the feeling that a whole lot of it was made up on the spot.

I've got ten dollars that says that Xena asked Gabrielle to pardon Amareese and let her come along on Xena's crew. Amareese is just the kind of overeager, troublemaking hardcase that Xena loves to take under her wing.

When did Xena start throwing around this "we" word for the Amazons? Since when did Xena identify with this tribe? Is it because of Gabrielle's membership? Or maybe guilt about that past peccadillo or those slaughtered Thunderdome Amazons?

This episode was full of fabulous shots of the Warrior Princess in mondo battle mode. If I saw that fury on horseback riding my way through the fireballing battlefield, I'd take my chances with the wrath of Caesar and hightail it for the nearest village to take up farming for the rest of my days. That long melee with the chakram and the "Xena kicks butt" music, capped off with Xena throwing three swords into a guy like darts into the bullseye, got my blood pumping like nobody's business. Have mercy, that woman kicks butt.

"This one's for you, Ephiny"?? Maybe I'm still a little gunshy from the Gabdrag out of the Amazon village, but couldn't Xena have found a better way to beat the crap out of Brutus than dedicating a horsedragging like a hit song? Corny line, insensitive thought.

For all their coolness, the Amazons still suck at bird calls.

Xena sure twitched at Amareese's "Lucky for them, we have just the Queen for that situation" crack, but I didn't quite get it. Was she suggesting that Gabrielle was spending too much time hiding in the village? A note for the future, Amareese: if you have to explain the insult, it's not a good one.

Brutus turns out to be an OK guy: an honorable warrior and a loyal sidekick. But why all his rah-rah speeches for Caesar as if he didn't know their previous history? We know he was with Caesar when he betrayed and crucified Xena.

Joe LoDuca has given the Amazons a couple of kickin' new dance tunes! And speaking of which, last week I mentioned that Takes One showed off more male skin than female. I guess the Xena folks decided to make up for lost time with those tribal-dancin' Amazons. This was part strip show, part National Geographic special.

Why did Brutus offer himself for Pompey? Pure generosity? Did he figure he could escape, maybe with some valuable information for Caesar?

"You better get back to camp. You might get hurt." "You don't know me very well." THIS is the Gabrielle that can show intelligence and strength without fighting. I knew the writers could do it! But at the same time, the non-violence gig gets put aside big time without a word spoken about it. Gabrielle even goes farther than she was willing to go in A Good Day, and leads soldiers to their death, in the name of ruling her people.

Interesting note about when Gabrielle called the Amazon charge: she led them with the battle cry "For Ephiny!", as if this was vengeance for Ephiny's death. Except that this was against Pompey's soldiers, who torched the village and kidnapped Amazons... but Ephiny's death was at the hands of Brutus's men. Maybe she was telling them to remember Ephiny's strength in battle, but it was a bit misleading, at best. But what a great job Gabrielle does with command. Renee O'Connor impressed the heck out of me with those growled orders and threats from somewhere way in the back of her throat. Gab's been paying attention to XenaGrowls.

Pompey's a smarmbucket, and never so much as when he's wheedling for his life. He richly deserved Xena's "Psych, I'm gonna kill you anyway" move. Off with his head!

What's with the "rider approaching!" warning when Xena came to talk to Brutus after the battle? They were only 20 yards away from each other. And somebody should tell Xena to get some privacy before building a conspiracy. Maybe Brutus won't tell how the battle went down, but a dozen other soldiers could.

Brutus doesn't seem to heed Xena's warnings about Caesar, but then he lies to Caesar about her, and fails to mention who the Queen of the Amazons is.

Gabrielle keeps tossing that queenship like a hot potato. When it comes back to her from Ephiny, she pitches it off again lickety-split to Chalupa. I guess Queen of the Amazons falls under the same "Nope, it'd slow me down from sticking with Xena" category as hospices with crazed religious zealots.

The final scene is killer. The sad, proud music, the funeral pyre in front, the three circles of Amazons around, and the teary-eyed Xena comforting Gabrielle, who feels free to finally cry. What a way to end an episode.

Return to the Wool-Gatherings.

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